Off Topic skating tips for the uneducated beginner

[CoachX]

So here in NM we have vast knowledge on many topics, including, but not limitied to, successfully driving drunk while being a prominent public official, beating up your wife and girlfriend (at the same time), how to live turn mud into adequate dwellings, pushing elderly persons down escalators, and of course sodomizing ugly armored mamals.

What we don't have a lot of knowledge about is ice hockey. So here is my dilemma. I am now, have been, and will forever be, a marginal hockey player. We refer to it as Beginner/intermediate at the local barn. In my quest for hockey knowledge I have learned that skates should be a size, size and a half, smaller than your shoe size. I was plodding around on a pair of CCM 91/2 halfs, looking like a cross between a drunk scott hartnell and riley cote after his nightly beating. The guy at the pro-shop (i use that term lightly) suggested I try a size 9. So we found a pair of CCM u+4 and tried those on. They fit but I didn't buy. Intead I went online and found a pair of CCM u+02 and bought those.

to get to the point, I had them sharpened and went on this ice. As I have already mentioned, I am not the most gracefeul of skaters but I do okay. Normally stopping is not a huge deal for me. However, in these new skates, when I try to stop the blades chops across the ice. Have any of you experienced this and what exactly might be casuing it (other than me sucking)?

[Podein25]

@

LMAO!

First, skates should be snug, very snug. I wear mine a full 2 sizes below my shoe size. So if you were a size 10 shoe, those 9s are prolly still too big IMO

Re: the stopping. They could be "too sharp" - try raking the blades across the back of a hairy feminist's legs at a slight angle - to "take the edge off" a bit. A piece of wood also works.

Lastly, for god's sake, go easy on the Kraken until after your off the ice.

[doom88]

Is it wrong I fully expected to see Hartnell in this thread?

[CoachX]

Doom,

In all fairness, Hartnell was mentioned. He is my inspiration. I figure if he can skate like that and make it to the NHL, I at least have a chance to get past the snow plow practice squad.

I won't mention that time I tried to be cool and jump the boards on a shift change, only to wind up face down in the penalty box next to us, looking like I just got pummeled by Tie Domi

[FlyersFan4Life]

So here in NM we have vast knowledge on many topics, including, but not limitied to, successfully driving drunk while being a prominent public official, beating up your wife and girlfriend (at the same time), how to live turn mud into adequate dwellings, pushing elderly persons down escalators, and of course sodomizing ugly armored mamals.

What we don't have a lot of knowledge about is ice hockey. So here is my dilemma. I am now, have been, and will forever be, a marginal hockey player. We refer to it as Beginner/intermediate at the local barn. In my quest for hockey knowledge I have learned that skates should be a size, size and a half, smaller than your shoe size. I was plodding around on a pair of CCM 91/2 halfs, looking like a cross between a drunk scott hartnell and riley cote after his nightly beating. The guy at the pro-shop (i use that term lightly) suggested I try a size 9. So we found a pair of CCM u+4 and tried those on. They fit but I didn't buy. Intead I went online and found a pair of CCM u+02 and bought those.

to get to the point, I had them sharpened and went on this ice. As I have already mentioned, I am not the most gracefeul of skaters but I do okay. Normally stopping is not a huge deal for me. However, in these new skates, when I try to stop the blades chops across the ice. Have any of you experienced this and what exactly might be casuing it (other than me sucking)?

sounds like the guy who sharpened your skates did a crap job take a look at the blade see if there is an waves in the blade. Take your finger along the side and rub it up the side, if it feels dull than they are dull. try getting a flt bottom V cut 100/70 its what I have done makes a huge difference

[CoachX]

@

LMAO!

First, skates should be snug, very snug. I wear mine a full 2 sizes below my shoe size. So if you were a size 10 shoe, those 9s are prolly still too big IMO

Re: the stopping. They could be "too sharp" - try raking the blades across the back of a hairy feminist's legs at a slight angle - to "take the edge off" a bit. A piece of wood also works.

Lastly, for god's sake, go easy on the Kraken until after your off the ice.

I wear a 101/2 shoe so I am pretty confident the 9 is the right size. They feel really good. I tried Bauer size 9 but they were too cramped. I was told that most likely has to do with the angle of the heel. I guess my foot sits a little farther back in the CCM

You mentioned a piece of wood... what do I with that? I've never used a piece of wood before. I will consider the Kraken advice. However, I have that drinking Kraken improves both my golf game and my hockey game (or so it would appear)

[Podein25]

You mentioned a piece of wood... what do I with that?

After clubbing old ladies and invalids with it, you can rub the blade of the freshly-sharpened skate on it (at an angle) to take the edge off. Avoid any nails in the wood.

[CoachX]

one of these days I will learn better than to ask lmao

[Bertmega]

I used to rub my skates (while on) on the plastic on the boards (see the blue part on the boards)

Like 10 swipes a skate seemed to do the trick for me.

[Podein25]

@Bertmega

Yeah, plastic works too. By saying "wood" I'm declaring my age I think

[aziz]

Could also just be a matter of getting used to them. The radius on a new pair of skates can put more of the blade in contact with the ice than your last pair, making things like stopping weird until you get used to them. Two pairs of goalie skates ago had developed an almost forward-like rocker. When I got my new ones I was worthless for a couple days getting used to the full eight inches or whatever on the ice again. Chattering during hockey stops was one of the main symptoms.

[Podein25]

As a final piece of helpful advice, there's always the Hartnell method of stopping, which dispenses with the skate blades altogether and slams into the boards or the opposition goalie.

[Bertmega]

@Podein25

Do you remember T-Blades? No they were probably the worst invention for ice hockey. I remember sounding like Sherman Tank on the ice wearing those stupid things.

[Podein25]

@Bertmega

What are t-blades? The hollow ones?

[Bertmega]

@Podein25 they were popular about 8-10 years ago. They were the blades that were held on with 6 hex bolts. After about 10 games you take them off and toss them. The good thing was, you always had the same edge. The bad thing they were the most awkward things on the planet to skate on. Seidenberg used to wear them when he was a Flyer. Also, Elias, I believe wore them back in the day too. They had a very specific sound to them and they would tear the ice up something nasty.

[Podein25]

@Bertmega

Ok, I do know what you are talking about. I never wore them.

[AlaskaFlyerFan]

@Podein25

Do you remember T-Blades? No they were probably the worst invention for ice hockey. I remember sounding like Sherman Tank on the ice wearing those stupid things.

@Bertmega

What are t-blades? The hollow ones?

They sure do sound hollow. I skated with a guy who wore those. You didn't ever have to look to see where he was on the ice. You could hear him from 100ft away. He couldn't sneak past anyone.

[Podein25]

You could hear him from 100ft away. He couldn't sneak past anyone.

Geez, you might as well be wearing a cow bell out there!

[CoachX]

As a final piece of helpful advice, there's always the Hartnell method of stopping, which dispenses with the skate blades altogether and slams into the boards or the opposition goalie.

This seems like the most helpful and practical advice. I think i will buy myself extra padding to prepare for the extra contact. A very effectice method I think. thank you

(I will still have the warm up Rum pre-game)

[Podein25]

@

You're very welcome. I'm here to help. And since you're so receptive to my helpful suggestions, may I further suggest the placement of an old lady in the net where said opposition goalie might be. This should give you extra incentive to, um, learning how to stop using the Hartnell method.

[CoachX]

@

You're very welcome. I'm here to help. And since you're so receptive to my helpful suggestions, may I further suggest the placement of an old lady in the net where said opposition goalie might be. This should give you extra incentive to, um, learning how to stop using the Hartnell method.

The idea of grandma in net brightens my day. Not only can I run her at will, my stats are bound to go up. And quite frankly, I will drop the gloves with a senior citizen. I'm tired of them getting those food bonuses at IHOP.

If she happens to be one of those rick 'ol bitties, I will be sure to ask her out (after seeking relationship advice from the Tonner of course)

[Podein25]

after seeking relationship advice from the Tonner of course

LOL, the Tonner is mysteriously absent this fine forum. He made a brief appearance a long time ago and then disappeared. Perhaps he's here lurking under a different username...or he's been incarcerated...

[CoachX]

I'd bet incarcerated.... Did he disappaer around the same time Sandusky was impriosoned?

[Podein25]

@

I'd have to check on that. Prolly a safe bet though

[JackStraw]

@ - don't listen to that sheep-effer @Podein25, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Sharp skates are good. The sharper the better. You just have to get used to them. Do you skate other than when you play hockey? You should. Skate, skate, skate, and then skate some more. Go to public skating and skate around in circles for a couple hours at a time. Practice stopping. And starting. And the in-between stuff, practice that too. Be one of those annoying guys who weaves around people and scares small children and attractive women. Get your skates sharpened often, you'll get used to it faster. Before you know it you'll be annoyed when your skates aren't sharp enough for you to shave with them.