Breaking News: Jody Shelley

[Samifan]

Distraught by the fact he was not offered another multiyear deal by the Flyers and inspired by George Costanza, Free Agent Winger Jody Shelley has reportedly barricaded himself in a press box at the Wells Fargo Center.

After being denied access to the WFC, Shelley apparently exchanged punches with an 80 year old security guard. Shelley was reportedly busted open and bloodied by the guard but was able to still power past him. Shelley entered the building and crawled through the ventilation system before dropping into the press box.

Negotiators have been speaking with Shelley by phone. According to an unnamed source; Shelley stated, “I am not ready to leave the Flyers. I spent the entire year in this press box last season and it’s my home. I know I did a great job serving popcorn and Pepsi to Homer, Clarkie and Lukko all season, way better than that hack Riley Cote used to do.” “When Homer signed me and gave me a Full No Movement Clause, I thought that meant I did not have to move out of the press box unless I chose to.” Before hanging up on the negotiators, Shelley reported stated that Snider better be prepared to cough up a front office position or coaching position with the Phantoms if they want him to surrender.

Respected Hockey Reporters Pierre McGuire and Eklund are racing to the WFC and will continue to monitor this situation. McGuire, who was on vacation with Sidney Crosby said that he was shocked by today’s events and, “that’s not the Jody Shelley I know.” Eklund, who was making up fake blogs from his mom’s basement at the time of the incident replied, “Major update coming (e5).”

Stay tuned!

Edited July 6, 2013 by Samifan

[pilldoc]

@Samifan

Funny stuff! Thanks for putting a smile on my face......

Edited July 6, 2013 by pilldoc

[Samifan]

I figured with all of the stress yesterday waiting to see what Homer had planned for FA frenzy we all needed a little laugh.

[flyerrod]

Respected Hockey Reporters Pierre McGuire and Eklund are racing to the WFC and will continue to monitor this situation.

LMAO!!! Thanks for the coffee on the monitor, it gave me the excuse to clean it anyhow.....

[mojo1917]

Good stuff @Samifan

" vacationing with Sidney Crosby" LMAO

But funnier still was poor Jodi not being able to beat up the security guard...that was sublime !

Edited July 6, 2013 by mojo1917

[Samifan]

thanks mojo. I was hoping everyone could get a visual of Shelley throwing haymakers with an 80 year old security guard.

[hf101]

Enjoyed that. @Samifan

Now I'm concerned, development camp will be here soon.

[FD19372]

Good one, lol Samifan. Whew! I thought you were going to tell us Holmgren signed Shelley to a 10 year, $70 million deal with an NTC.

[flyercanuck]

@Samifan

I guess if Pierre was on vacation he can be excused for not mentioning Shelley hails from Thompson Manitoba and played his junior with the Mooseheads.

[Samifan]

@ flyercanuck- I was just too lazy to do the research for the post.

@ FD19372- The new CBA only allows for a max contract of 8 years if you resign with a team so Shelley's deal would have been 8yr/56 million

[goalnut3133]

@Samifan Wow that was good! Not a Flyers fan so you had me going there for a minute, intrigued by the drama! hahaha...

[Samifan]

@goalnut3133-humbled to know even a non-Flyers fan found a little humor in my post. TY

[goalnut3133]

@Samifan Re: "Not a Flyers fan"....hmm, you ne-e-e-ver know...your goaltending is getting somewhat beefed up now...haha! It will at least be fun to watch Emery start!

[Dynamo 47]

That's great! Laughter truly is the best medicine.

[Lindbergh31]

Distraught by the fact he was not offered another multiyear deal by the Flyers and inspired by George Costanza, Free Agent Winger Jody Shelley has reportedly barricaded himself in a press box at the Wells Fargo Center.

After being denied access to the WFC, Shelley apparently exchanged punches with an 80 year old security guard. Shelley was reportedly busted open and bloodied by the guard but was able to still power past him. Shelley entered the building and crawled through the ventilation system before dropping into the press box.

Negotiators have been speaking with Shelley by phone. According to an unnamed source; Shelley stated, “I am not ready to leave the Flyers. I spent the entire year in this press box last season and it’s my home. I know I did a great job serving popcorn and Pepsi to Homer, Clarkie and Lukko all season, way better than that hack Riley Cote used to do.” “When Homer signed me and gave me a Full No Movement Clause, I thought that meant I did not have to move out of the press box unless I chose to.” Before hanging up on the negotiators, Shelley reported stated that Snider better be prepared to cough up a front office position or coaching position with the Phantoms if they want him to surrender.

Respected Hockey Reporters Pierre McGuire and Eklund are racing to the WFC and will continue to monitor this situation. McGuire, who was on vacation with Sidney Crosby said that he was shocked by today’s events and, “that’s not the Jody Shelley I know.” Eklund, who was making up fake blogs from his mom’s basement at the time of the incident replied, “Major update coming (e5).”

Stay tuned!

Thanks for the laugh but I was concerned that Holmgren resigned him to a 5 year deal with a NMC.