Jump to content

Season epitaphs


Poulin20

Recommended Posts

Since we are headed for another year without playoffs and the paper is starting to publish our "Tragic Number"  I thought it would be fun to start a thread where we can write funny epitaphs for the Flyers and also the other teams as they miss the playoffs or are eliminated from the playoffs.  (This thread would be in the spirit of the Shortest Books and We Welcome You threads...)

 

I will start us off...

 

Here lies the 2014-2015 Philadelphia Flyers:

 

They dropped points in the shooutout and lost to bad teams,

they looked lost on most nights due to Chief's lack of schemes

 

 

or how about this one

 

Here lies the 2014-2015 Philadelphia Flyers:

 

They beat good teams at home but sucked on the road

Vinny (and Umby) stole money while Chief coached like a chode (for brains)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Craig Berube - what a mess

He never seems to know who to dress

 

When things get bad and go awry

All he can verbalize is how they try

 

The Coach is the biggest loser of all

even though he only stands 4 feet tall

 

Please please please make him go away

Along w/ McDud, VLC  and that bum RJ

Bravo. Well done. ;)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do they have to rhyme? I'm no good at rhyming.

 

At first, I thought the Flyers had no luck

But it turns out they just suck

 

Doesn't have to rhyme.  As long as it is funny!  You did just fine there!

 

I am sure that our "friends" for the western part of PA will be chiming in at some point to creatively and possibly humorously help us put something on the headstone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wanted to rhyme 

but did not have the time

 

To look up a word 

that ends like pathetic.

 

Here lies a team, supposedly young and athletic

 

but with Chief at the helm they looked dumb and pathetic?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We traded Hartnell last summer

Due to issues with the cap

But Umberger hurt his groin

After playing like crap

 

We tried to skate a defense

With Brayden, Andy and Luke

The results were as expected;

It made all of us puke

 

Steve Mason found himself injured

Just after the New Year

Jeff Reese backed up his goalie

And that's why he isn't here.

 

The Flyers tried their very best

To be a bottom-feeder

Of course they also failed at that

Because Berube is their leader.

 

He mixed and matched his forward lines

His defensive pairing too

But the only thing worth noting was

Ass grabs by Claude Giroux

 

And so again we end in April 

With a middle-range draft pick

Some may think it's progress

But it ####ing makes me sick.

 

LOLZ!!!   :thumbsu:   Too funny Rux!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We traded Hartnell last summer

Due to issues with the cap

But Umberger hurt his groin

After playing like crap

 

We tried to skate a defense

With Brayden, Andy and Luke

The results were as expected;

It made all of us puke

 

Steve Mason found himself injured

Just after the New Year

Jeff Reese backed up his goalie

And that's why he isn't here.

 

The Flyers tried their very best

To be a bottom-feeder

Of course they also failed at that

Because Berube is their leader.

 

He mixed and matched his forward lines

His defensive pairing too

But the only thing worth noting was

Ass grabs by Claude Giroux

 

And so again we end in April 

With a middle-range draft pick

Some may think it's progress

But it ####ing makes me sick.

Well done sir looks like you're a natural...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hickory dickory dock

Berube's "strategies" are a bunch of crock

 

To offense, to defense, to our power play

I just dont see why Hexy lets Berube stay

 

Bench a player here and bench a player there

just dont bench RJ which really makes me swear

 

O' Hexy , O' Hexy the fans are irate

McDud is as useless as cold Halibut on a plate

Schenn is slow and his name is Luke

some people like to refer to him as the "fluke"

 

Our time has come to at least get lucky

A top draft pick like McDavid or Jack would be just ducky

Just for once I would like to pause

And pray to god there is not another no trade clause (for an aging over 35 vet)

 

Homer, o'  Homer you are a dolt...

You should have let Vinny stay as a Bolt (i know he was bought out)

 

Play hard, compete and protect the puck

I somehow feel Berube is as stupid F*&(K

Strategy, Stratergery and absolutely no plan

Makes you realize why this season is in the can...

Edited by murraycraven
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It started this Summer with our Captain's arrest

While delusional Ed thought his team would be best

Another slow start left us wonder the reason

But in reality we knew it was another lost season

Was it the overpaid vets or slow shitty D

The Flyers struggles caused Penguin fans to cheer with glee

FU to Homer, McCrossin and Chief

Whose coaching ability could be matched be a side of beef

40 years without Stanley or a Cup to cheer

The season is over so raise one final beer

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hickory dickory dock

Berube's "strategies" are a bunch of crock

 

To offense, to defense, to our power play

I just dont see why Hexy lets Berube stay

 

Bench a player here and bench a player there

just dont bench RJ which really makes me swear

 

O' Hexy the fans are irate

McDud is as useless as cold Halibut on a plate

Schenn is slow and his name is Luke

some people like to refer to him as the "fluke"

 

Our time has come to get at least get lucky

A top draft pick like McDavid or Jack would be just ducky

Just once I would like to pause

And pray to god there is not another no trade clause (for an aging over 35 vet)

 

Homer, o'  Homer you are a dolt...

You should have let Vinny stay as a Bolt (i know he was bought out)

 

Play hard, compete and protect the puck

I somehow feel Berube is as stupid F*&(K

Strategy, Stratergery and absolutely no plan

Makes you realize why this season is in the can...

OMG effin hysterical MC. Well done my good sir!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, since Flyer fans are pretty sure at this point the team is done, I can throw this in:

 

Here lie the 2014-15 Philadelphia Flyers.

When alive, proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, that square pegs, indeed, do NOT, fit into round holes....and only bad things can come of it.

 

May you G.I.P. (golf in peace),

Amen.

Edited by TropicalFruitGirl26
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...