The Day in the Life of a Crosby

[pilldoc]

This is just for fun to inject some humor into all the doom and gloom of the lockout...

The Day in the Life of a Crosby

6:57 AM – Roll over and slap alarm clock. Shake off the lingering thoughts of the nightmare. The therapist says the visions of the 2012 playoffs will heal in time…

7:02 AM - Sit up and climb out of bed. Grab baby powder and sprinkle on puddle in bed. Make note to get more pull ups.

7:07 AM – Make way to bathroom. Punch picture of Giroux in hallway.

7:09 AM – Take tinkle. Opps, back up from toilet for proper trajectory.

8:14 AM – Tinkle done. Go to shower. Get pump. Shower and shave face. Shave legs.

9:01 AM – Brush teeth, pluck eyebrows, moisturize lips.

9:28 AM – Call Mario for daily schedule.

9:28 & 25 seconds – Eat Fruit Loops. Laugh as you think of Malkin and Fruit Loops.

10:01 AM – Go to garage. Punch picture of Giroux on garage door on the way.

10:06 AM – Practice wrist shots into dryer. Notice clothes in dryer.

11:14 AM – Time to get dressed. Carry clothes to bedroom.

11:17 AM – Decide on G-String or tighty whitties. Try them both on.

12:10 PM – Decide against G-string to avoid another locker room incident.

12:44 PM – Time to leave for early game against Flyers. Punch picture of Giroux in hallway.

1:25 PM – Stop by Kinko’s, order new copy of Giroux picture for dryer.

1:50 PM - Arrive at stadium in Yellow Geo Metro.

1:53 PM – Once again lost on way to locker room. GPS not working.

1:55 PM – On phone with Mario.

1:55 & 17 seconds – Back on course to locker room.

2:04 PM – Enter boisterous locker room. Everyone becomes quiet. Get to stall. Punch picture of Giroux hanging in stall.

2:09 PM – Change into playing gear. Malkin asks a question.

2:11 PM – Foreign language app interprets question. Once again forced to say no to request for special shiny lip formula.

2:31 PM – Step onto ice for warm ups. Crowd half there. Giroux there.

2:32 PM – At center ice. Hartnell there to. Shakes shaggy hair spreading Philly sweat everywhere.

2:34 PM – Oooo. Butterflies in stomach upon seeing Doc and Pierre.

2:46 PM – Wishing he could punch Giroux for real.

2:47 PM – To locker room. Tinkle time. Urinals are a no go. Off to a stall.

2:49 PM – Fighting with cup removal. Keeps slipping out of hands and smacking nads.

2:55 PM – Tinkle done. Notice Malkin unzipping at urinal. Hear a splash in urinal. Mutters something in Russian. Language app not available. Moving along.

3:10 PM – At center ice for anthems. Flash backs to 2012 playoffs.

3:11 PM – Using therapy technique of imagining the crowd naked except for Pierre. Feel better.

3:15 PM – Opening faceoff.

3:15 & 12 seconds - Whirlwind of activity. Oh golly, must go get puck.

3:15 & 12.8 seconds – Number 28 sweater in face.

3:15 & 13.3 seconds – Face on ice. Cold.

3:22 PM – In restraints in a prone position. Don’t understand.

3:37 PM – Yabba dabba do. My name is ByCros. I fink I’m kinda maybe okeydokey.

3:40 PM – Pain sets in.

3:44 PM – Told pictures must be taken of my insides? Or of Giroux? Or something? Must get to Kinkos. Going in funny looking box on wheels to a big building they tell me.

4:48 PM – Doctor says no concussion or injuries. Just banged up.

5:34 PM – Back at arena. Game still going after 25 minute melee delayed game at the 13.3 second mark of the 1^st period.

5:35 PM – Malkin in locker room getting earlobe stiched back on after Hartnell biting attack.

5:36 PM – Concluded that the Flyers are primitive animals.

5:37 PM – At locker stall. Punch Giroux picture. Hurt knuckles this time.

5:40 PM – Rush to shower in swimming trunks and flip flops before team comes in to shower after game.

5:41 PM – Malkin enters the shower. Politely ask again for him to use his own shower head. Try not to stare at "it".

5:51 PM – Baby powder applied and team arriving in locker room with word of 5-1 loss.

5:52 PM - Slip into undies quickly when female reporter enters. Malkin does not.

6:22 PM – Sneak out after game critique.

6:25 PM – Frickin Metro won’t start.

6:26 PM – On phone with Mario.

6:26 & 35 Seconds PM – Ok, got right car this time. Head woozy.

6:40 PM – At store for tofu, bean sprouts and pull ups.

7:07 PM – Arrive home. Gently take down Giroux picture in hallway.

7:08 PM - Time for daily constitutional. Place picture of Giroux in toilet. Crap into toilet.

7:32 PM – Bearing down.

7:40 PM - Flush toilet.

7:40 & 31 seconds PM – Toilet clogged and over flowing. Giroux’s final insult of the day. Make note for Kinkos to use lighter paper weight on latest order.

7:58 PM – Bathroom mopping is done. Scotch bottle opened.

10:02 PM – Scotch bottle empty. Beddy by time. Pullups on…

Good night all…

ROFLMAO!!!!!! I know I have been AWOL lately....but damm @idahophilly...that is some funny stuff.......would love to post that on a Pens message board (no offense to the Pens fans that frequent this board) ..........After a crappy day at workkkI can't stop lauging...LOLOL

Edited October 1, 2012 by pilldoc

[idahophilly]

I was feeling creative...

[idahophilly]

ROFLMAO!!!!!! I know I have been AWOL lately....but damm @idahophilly...that is some funny stuff.......would love to post that on a Pens message board (no offense to the Pens fans that frequent this board) ..........After a crappy day at workkkI can't stop lauging...LOLOL

Oh, and nice to have you back!

[pilldoc]

Oh, and nice to have you back!

Thanks idaho...I know DGG messaged me asking if I was ok.....everything is ok...just alittle hectic in our household and work has been a pain. Plus you add in the damm lockout...well I just have not been online that much.....but if feels great to be back.......

Now someone go blackmail Bettman into ending this DAMM lockout........