Commander Clueless

@Hockey Junkie

Deal

Terrible?  No that is too harsh. 

Then have I got the guy for you!

David Clarkson from the Maple Leafs. Power forward with intangibles coming out of his intangibles coming out of his unmentionables. Normally worth multiple of 7th round picks, now on sale for the low low price of future considerations!

.....please?

@flyercanuck

On the other hand it means I can still feel feelings. So, give and take, I guess.

Well you know what they say: "If you can't laugh at yourself....."

...actually, I have no idea how that ends. I'm guessing it's not good.

What, no Jake Gardiner? That guy is such a good defensive forward, half the time he looks like he's playing defense!

Oh well. I guess I'll have to vote for Bergeron.

I saw him play a lot more than Toews or Kopitar this year so maybe there is bias there, but he was great.

Go home Kessel, you're drunk defensively.

The time has come. The event of the year that you've all be waiting for with baited breath. The Commander Clueless exclusive story, "Why the Leafs Are So the Opposite of Good".

Let's rewind the clocks a bit. The year is the Year of the Rabbit and/or Dragon - the 2011/2012 NHL season. Ron Wilson and the Mighty, Mighty Maple Leafs are looking good, on pace for the playoffs with one of the youngest teams in the league. Maybe not quite what Leaf fans expected coming out of a 5-year long rebuild, but looking up. Then comes the "18-wheeler off a cliff" scenario, as named by Big Brian Burke himself.

"But it's okay!" we said, "They're young, and we're seeing some progress!"

Fast forward to the next season, and Randy "Saviour" Carlyle and the Maple Leafs are looking good in a season that tried it's hardest to never exist. The team plays like Brannigan's Love; hard and fast. They are  tough to play against, and improved their league leading worst ever PK to one of the best. Then came the awesome Game 7 collapse against the Bruins.

"But it's okay!" we said, "They're young, and we're seeing some progress!"

Fast forward to this season, where  Randy "Damnit Randy" Carlyle and the Marlies are looking bad, and yet winning. They play fast and soft, relying more and more on their goalies to bail them out - a nearly complete 180 from where they once were. They improved their very good PK to a much more reasonable worst in the league. As we all know, they ended up collapsing in the most spectacular fashion yet, going from 2nd place in the division to an 8th overall draft pick in the span of less than a month.

"<Deleted for expletive content>" we said.

So what happened?

General Manager Dave "Deer in the Headlights" Nonis made some offseason changes that restructured the team, and not for the better it would seem:

1. Buying out Mikhail Grabovski and signing David Clarkson - The Leafs bought out their slightly overpaid centre being used as a shutdown centre, and instead opted for "bruising" winger David Clarkson, who came in like a wrecking ball and created a black hole on offense with no defensive game to speak of.

2. Trading for Dave Bolland to replace Grabovski - A decent move in theory, but Bolland played a grand total of a quarter of the season and may now escape to free agency, resulting in the Leafs having to overplay PK specialist Jay McClement as a shutdown centre as well, which does not work.

3. Letting Leo Komarov walk - While not a world beater, Komarov brought grit and intensity to the Leafs. This is something that the Leafs now seem to be without.

4. Letting Clarke MacArthur walk in favour of Mason Raymond - With this move, the Leafs got faster, but softer. To be fair, Raymond had a good season with the Leafs.

The Leafs team is completey different now than last year. Randy now seems to be possessed by the Ghost of Ron Wilson Past, and has them playing pond hockey.

So what do we do about it?

1. Restructure the forward group to play a two-way game. This doesn't necessarily mean moving Kessel, but the Leafs have very few forwards who play gritty and defensively. This must change this offseason. It's okay to have Kessel racking up points, but you can't have the entire team play like him. You need strong defensive and gritty players to balance.

2. The Defense. It needs work. A true top pairing defenseman to play with Phaneuf, or perhaps a "build from scratch" scenario. Gardiner and Rielly are promising young pieces and this may be solved internally, but it's ugly right now. Oh and the Franson experiment is over. He needs to move on to a team that needs a bottom pairing PP specialist.

3. Who friggin' knows?

Many Leaf fans are freaking out and want to restart the rebuild by moving Phaneuf, Kessel, Lupul, etc. and building around the young guys we do have like Kadri, Rielly, Gardiner, Bernier, and JVR. Not a bad plan, but maybe a bit drastic at this point.

Good luck Shanny.

So this particular subject probably could have been under yave's "Year in Review" thread, but I really wanted to use my own silly title with no real insight into the actual topic. Because I'm crazy like that. Also, it's playoff time so I'm lonely and want to feel relevant. It's really no big deal since nobody really reads the Leafs section anyway, given that there are roughly two Leafs fans registered here; one of which is certifiably clueless.

@yave1964

A job well done on this one, but I feel as though you may have put too much effort into this when the "season in review" could have easily been described with a picture of a steaming turd. 

I don't know what happened to the identity the Leafs established last year as a "hard" team, but it's completely friggin' gone now. Awesome.

Save us, Burke  Nonis   Carlyle    Leiweke   Tom Cruise's Witchcraft    Shanahan!

@Bertmega

You hate to rush a player back, but the Flyers could really use Mason right about now.

I'm not sure Heeter is the right call to start.

@yave1964

Moving Spezza signals the end of an era, so who knows what they may look like going forward if they do this. Rumours had it that Spezza may leave to free agency, so the Sens may be best served seeing what they can get for their captain if this is true.

The Good: Gostisbehere

The Bad: Ghosts be here

The Ugly: Trying to pronounce Gostisbehere.

I'm envious of the Flyers for having Laughton. Kid looks awesome.

Today I learned that GAA is an actual stat relating to goalies, and not just a noise one makes when frustrated with said goalie.

Cloud's pulling a mini Messier against the Rangers, so good on him. Got to have that confidence going in.

To be fair, I didn't think they'd do well this year. I called them overrated. But most attributed that to bias.

Which it totally was.

I expected them to do better, honestly. Never been a big Bobby Ryan fan, but he's good and I did like the MacArthur signing. Anderson always seems to have this "one on, one off" approach to seasons, so they'll probably do well next year.

Pierre McGuire would be my choice. I'm anticipating some juicy interviews where Pierre stands right on top of every reporter that asks him a question, talking about monsters and all sorts of awkward things about gripping sticks too tight.

Even if you aren't looking for comedy (who wouldn't, really?), Pierre actually does seem like a guy who could bring a lot of enthusiasm to a team. Canucks need some enthusiasm after the sombre Mr. Gillis.

Is he available? Leafs may need a new coach shortly.

If Emery can keep holding down the fort, I like the Flyers' chances in this one.

So because he has been clean for 18 months, we should ignore his previous history of intentionally injuring players? This is a guy who has ended careers in the past. Incidents should stick with him until the day he hangs up his skates.

 

In everyday life, if you had a history of aggravated assault, but have been clean for 18 months, I guarantee you the judge is still going to weigh in past incidents in your punishment because of the need to send a message based on threat level.

 

And I would say the same thing if it was Raffi torres

Right, which I think is what he is saying. I agree the NHL's policy regarding that 18 month period is silly, if they indeed hold to it.  

Dirty hit by Cooke. Hate to see a player taken out like that.

Well if it's the original six, then no they still don't have a chance.

Clean hit. Backes turned at the last minute, and thus deserved a concussion-inducing illegal flying elbow to the face.

Deuces.

 Hey, don't knock the Flyer fans just because we have a great board.   If the tables were turned, we would have already been booted off the Pens board just for being Flyer fans.

 

 

 I promise not to lest forget as long as you lest forget everytime you B-b-but Pens, it goes both ways.

There are Flyer fans on this board!!????

Lucic is a beast of a player, but a complete asshat. I like the Bruins' physical style of play, but him and Marchand make me hate that team...which may not be fair. Those two players are good players but giant jackasses. Their antics have no place in the ideal game of hockey....that exists only in my head....so there.....or something.....yeah.

Diving is the new thing. I know we said drawing penalties is great, guys, but you're supposed to draw them by outskating your opposition, not wearing a tutu.

That said, the Rangers aren't the only ones guilty of this. Every frickn' team does it and it pisses me off. I think we need more punishment for obvious embellishment because it needs to stop. It makes the refs' jobs harder and the game stupid.

_{Connor Brown, because he was a top scorer in the OHL this past season. This may not make him a top prospect because of his apparent lack of NHL potential according to scouts, but somehow that still puts him miles ahead of the rest of what the Leafs call a cesspool...I mean "prospect pool".}

Maybe if they go back to the six team format they will win another one

Well that would depend on which teams were part of the six, now wouldn't it?

NO! If they do this then the Clarkson contract will be in a league of it's own! Bad idea!

I'm going to laugh tears of sadness when Toronto buys Clarkson out all non-compliancey and have a decade long cap penalty because Nonis is the smartest man I know.

Hmmm, maybe Vader has a spare room for you at the dealership?

 

Don't worry Forbsy, the Leafers are only a "tweak" away from winning the cup.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Winning the what now?